What Coffee Will Get You
by helenoftroyxo
Summary: What happens when Harry and Ginny are caught snogging in the Gryffindor common room by Hermione? And how does the entire Weasley family, along with a coffee-intoxicated Neville, fit in?


(A/N: I wrote this one-shot in response to a challenge posted by HGnFWlover on fictionalley. I was supposed to do the following:

-Someone must receive a gift.  
-Every Weasley(yes, even Percy!) must be involved and enter a scene in some way.  
-Someone must be caught red-handed, doing something.  
-The line "It's not me, it's you..." must be used.  
-The Weasley Twin must pull a prank.  
-Someone must drink five cups of coffe in one day and become very hyper.  
-If not there at the start, Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, and Neville Longbottom must enter a scene.  
-Someone must proclaim their love for someone else.  
-There must be a hair- style change.  
-The number 13 must make at least five appearances in the story.)

"Ginny Weasley," said Harry in between kisses, "I love you with all my heart!"

"Oh don't speak of such things, Harry," Ginny replied, grabbing him and kissing him harder to silence him.

"But I do," he protested as he pulled away.

Ginny rolled her eyes, then started kissing him again. Suddenly, the portrait swung open and in walked Neville and Hermione. They stopped abruptly when they saw the two students kissing.

"OH MY GOD!!!!" Hermione screamed, slapping a hand over her mouth in horror. "What are you two DOING?"

Ginny gulped and turned to look at two intruders with guilt written all over her face. "We were...er..." she started to say.

"You were KISSING!" Hermione accused, shaking her finger at the youngest Weasley. "How many times do I have to TELL you that kissing is not allowed in the common room?"

Neville tapped Hermione on the shoulder. "Can I kiss you too?" he said, bouncing on his heels with excitement. His eyes sparkled with energy, and he kept swinging his arms back and forth, then around in a full circle before returning to the swinging.

Hermione looked at Neville in disgust. "No, Neville. What is up with you anyway?"

"Had some muggle stuff earlier today. It was good," he said as he trotted over to Harry and Ginny, who were looking at him with apprehension. He sat down between the two of them, and swung one arm over Harry's shoulders, and the other over Ginny's. "So what's up guys?"

"What was this 'muggle stuff' you had anyway, Neville?" Harry asked slowly as he edged away from the hyper boy.

"Dean sold it to me for 13 knuts. I think it's called caw...fie..." Neville said, his nose scrunching up as he tried to pronounce the name.

"Coffee?" exclaimed Hermione. "How much did you HAVE?!"

"Five cups, I think."

Hermione groaned in dismay as Neville climbed onto the armrest of a nearby sofa and made like he was surfing. He stuck one arm out behind him and the other in front of him, bent his knees slightly, and began emitting a low growl which sounded distinctly like that of a dog in heat.

"Anyway," she said as she turned away from Neville and focused her attention on Harry and Ginny. They had been trying to sneak away undetected while Hermione was talking to Neville, and now froze as her eyes fell on them. "Nice try, guys," she said sarcastically in response to their attempt to get out of trouble. She then added in an important-sounding voice, "I'll have to alert your parents and brothers about this, Ginny."

She gasped. "You can't, Hermione! It was just a kiss!"

"This is the thirteenth time you two have been caught doing something so wrong and disgusting. They have the right to know." Without another word, Hermione took her Head Girl badge and flipped open the top of it. She started speaking in a low voice into it, while Harry and Ginny watched her in fear.

"Oh come on, Hermione," Harry tried to say weakly over Neville's animal-like sounds, which had now turned into yelps.

Hermione didn't answer this, and instead said, "They'll be here any minute now."

As if on cue, the portrait burst open and in rushed thirteen people: Professor Dumbledore, Professor McGonagall, Professor Snape, Hagrid, Dobby the house elf, Mr Weasley, Mrs Weasley, and all six of the Weasley brothers: Bill, Charlie, Percy, Fred, George, and Ron. All of them began talking and waving their arms at once. Ginny and Harry cowered in the corner as everyone began pointing fingers at them.

"HEY," shouted Neville over the commotion, "IT'S LIKE A PARTY!" He then proceeded to bellyflop off of the armrest which he was currently perched upon and onto the crowd of people.

Screams erupted from everyone as 190 lbs of solid flesh and coffee landed on their heads. Hermione watched the entire scene with shock. _I must save the house elf! _her stunned mind shouted.

Bravely, Hermione leaped into the pile and tried to find Dobby. She could distinctly hear him squeaking, "Dobby is most honoured to be squashed beneath Professor Snape sir!"

Harry and Ginny looked at each other, then at the frantic mass of people, then back at each other again. Shrugging simultaneously, they grabbed each other and began kissing passionately again.

Meanwhile, Charlie's voice could be heard shouting, "Percy, get off of my bloody leg!"

"It's not me," came Percy's muffled voice. "It's you...YOU'RE on MY leg."

"Actually, I think I'm on both of your legs," Bill called out.

"Someone go watch Ginny and Harry!" screeched Mrs Weasley. When no one answered her request, she began shoving people out of her way to reach the top of the pile of people. Sticking her head out, she took a deep breath of air, then looked around. She screamed when she saw Harry and Ginny kissing and groping each other. "GET OFF OF MY DAUGHTER IMMEDIATELY, HARRY POTTER! I'LL GIVE YOU 13 SECONDS...12...11..." was all she managed to get out before she was once again swallowed by the crowd.

While this was going on at the top, Fred and George were silently plotting as their fellow wizards and witches screamed and kicked at each other on top of them.

"On the count of three...we'll set off these fireworks," said Fred gleefully, pausing to push McGonagall's foot off his chest. "There'll be people everywhere, and we can get these gits to calm down."

"By knocking them unconcious?" George responded, looking somewhat worried as he struggled to get Snape's greasy hair out of his face. Then, a grin spread on his face. "I love it!"

"Three..."

"Two..."

"ONE!!!" both twins yelled out at the same time. Fred thrust a small, W-shaped firework into the center of the heap of people, then him and George crawled out to watch the fun begin.

The moment they were out, everyone froze. Eleven faces turned to look at the twins, and a split second later, bodies flew in every direction as a loud i BOOM /i exploded into the common room.

"Weasley fireworks!" exclaimed Fred happily as the thuds of people hitting walls resonated everywhere around him. "13 sickles each!"

Harry and Ginny pulled away from each other at the explosion of the firework. They looked around in surprise at the unconcious forms of the Weasley family and various teachers, along with the crumpled body of Dobby. "What happened here?" Ginny asked curiously.

"Nothing, sister dear," George answered calmly. He pulled out another Weasley firework from his pocket. "For you, Harry Potter!" he said, presenting it to Harry.

"If they ever give you trouble again..." started Fred.

"Just set that off..." continued George.

"And all your troubles should be blown away," finished Fred with a snicker.

George nodded to emphasize the point, then turned around. "We must be off now, young lovebirds. Feel free to give us a call anytime you want, our number is 739-2863, extension 13. Good luck dealing with them." He waved an arm at the bodies that littered the ground.

"They should come to in a few hours," added Fred, before following George out of the common room.

Harry and Ginny were now the only concious people left in the room. Cautiously, Harry walked over to Albus Dumbledore. He tapped Dumbledore's long nose, but there was no response. Harry then proceeded to walk over to Mr Weasley, and poke him on the forehead. Again, no response.

"Hey, Harry, check this out," Ginny said with a giggle as she pointed down at Hermione.

Harry walked over to his girlfriend, and couldn't help but smirk at the sight that greeted his eyes. Hermione lay limply against the wall, her chin resting on her chest. What was so funny was her hair - it had apparently not taken too kindly to being fried up, and now stuck out to each side of Hermione's head stiffly. "She won't be able to fix that for weeks," said Ginny. "Serves her right," she added on afterthought.

"So Ginny," said Harry after a moment of silence. "What do we do now?"

She looked over at him slowly. They both nodded in silent agreement, grabbed the other, and began snogging again.


End file.
